


Bleed (I Must be Dreaming)

by DontRememberMe



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Insane Eren Yeager
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-16
Updated: 2017-01-19
Packaged: 2018-09-17 22:02:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 8,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9348380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DontRememberMe/pseuds/DontRememberMe
Summary: How will Eren deal with Mikasa being gone? Is what he sees real or an illusion?An expedition gone horribly wrong, Eren loses Mikasa to the jaws of a Titan. He's haunted by whats left."How can I pretend that I don't see what you hide so carelessly? I saw her bleed, you heard me breathe. I froze inside myself and turned away, I must be dreaming..." ~ "Bleed (I Must Be Dreaming)" by Amy Lee/Evanescence





	1. Prologue

Eren froze in shock and horror as he watched a Titan near closer and closer to him as it picked up his scent of blood and fear. He had been a kicked off his horse by an abnormal attack previously and could only watch as his comrades were grouping together in the distance, attempting to kill the abnormal that left him bruised. He brought his hand to his mouth, drawing his teeth out to bite when he heard Mikasa shouting in the near distance.

"EREN!" She called, she rode her horse faster towards him "DON'T YOU DARE!"

Mikasa could feel tears sting at her eyes as she swallowed hard and rode faster. Erens eyes widened."What is she doing?!... She won't make it!" Eren thought. His eyes darted back to the smiling titan who was looking at him as a afternoon snack. He swore under his breath, with Mikasa this close, he couldn't transform in the case she might get too close and get hurt by him... Again. They were on their recent mission outside the walls, clearing the grassy plains of stray titans. So far, the losses were at a surprising minimum as the sky was turning slightly auburn. They still had time left before it got too dark, hopefully nothing critically sudden would happen... Like now. Mikasa was coming closer and closer towards Eren, almost just behind the offending source of his and her danger. Eren repeatedly began to curse under his breath, his knuckles turning white as his hands balled into fists and his stomach sinking and flipping. His tanned complexion turned pale and his eyes grew wide as the titan took it's eyes off of Eren and to Mikasa as it turned around, hearing her movements. It took a large step to turn midway towards her and stomped mercilessly back towards the ground, making the earth quake and send Mikasa flying from her steed.

"MIKASA!"

The titan was about to make a movement to advance towards her damaged form before Eren screamed, attempting to attract it's attention back to him. It didn't work.


	2. Out of Time, Out of Options

Everything was happening slowly in Erens eyes, he couldn't move, he couldn't think, he couldn't breathe. Something kicked in.

"HEY! HEY!" He screamed as he tried to call and make movements towards the human-like beast.

Rage and fear began to take over. If he were to get closer in his human form, he was just asking for the both of them to be killed in the process. They would die for nothing, in vain. If he sat back and watched everything take place, he would see Mikasa being eaten alive without being given a chance to escape. He seen her twitch, her head shaking and slowly looking towards him. Always checking he's safe. She felt blood run down her face as her eyelids flickered, feeling heavy. The blood dripped onto her fingers at a fast rate as she struggled to keep her head up. She moaned, clutching her fingers into the grass. Ripping it out slowly as everything, including time, stood still for her... Almost as it it was letting her watch. What was happening? She couldn't understand. Why was she in so much pain she couldn't move? Eren?

"FUCK!" Eren cried "SHIT!"

The Titan was close now, and so was Mikasa to her demise. Eren pulled at his hair, practically ripping it out. He was running out of time and options. He clenched his jaw as he brought his hand to his teeth once more, preparing to sink into his flesh without a second thought. He couldn't count how many times he had did that already. Mikasa looked up to him through the blood dripping through her dark lashes and begged him not to do it with the last of whatever strength she had left to cry out. She screamed in pain as she called for him, feeling her broken ribs rub together viciously. She swore she could have heard the bones grind together in her ears.

"E-EREN!..." She cried into the bloody grass in pain from yelling as she sharply inhaled, making the pain even worse as her nails dug deep into the dirt as an outlet "...D-DON'T!" tears steamed down her face as it mixed with her blood.

Every noise rang and dulled out into a silence in Erens ears as he watched Mikasa scream for him not to transform... But... What other choice did he have left if he wanted to save her? His teeth grazed the skin of his hand as a flashback played in front of his eyes, it was like they were 9 years old again... Mikasa, on the grass lying helplessly. Eren, the only one that was able to save her as he held on tighter to his only weapon. He blinked away his tears as he knew what he had to do...

"MIKASA! I'M GOING TO SAVE YOU AGAIN IF IT'S THE LAST THING I'LL EVER FUCKING DO! I PROMISE!"

It was then that an electrifying yellow flash of lightening struck into the blue sky as the teen transformed and roared to life.

Mikasa could only watch in horror as her vision became more blurred as she heard her heart beat in her ears as it thumped mercilessly into the ground that she was currently paralysed on. She screamed at the pain that was eating away at her broken body as the thought of more blood pouring from Erens nose after this was over with caused her more... That was if he was able to make it back through another transformation alive or still in control that was. This ability of his was making him ill from the inside out. No matter how many times the blood dripped without sudden cause from his nose, no matter how much of it he coughed up, he kept fighting. And just like that, she remembered her reason for still being here. The reason that they both were still breathing.

'Fight... Fight... FIGHT!'

The voice of Eren at age 9 rang through her head relentlessly... And all she could do was watch the death of either Eren or herself payout... She became dazed, this thought never have seeming to catch up with her before. It could have just been the major head injury and blood loss, but it was still all the same. She knew how this was to be fated instantly. She bit her lower lip hard as more tears streamed down her cheeks.

"Eren..." She cried softly "...I'll never forget..."


	3. I'll Never Forget You

"I'll never forget what you told me..." She cried softly, closing her eyes "...If I win, I live. If I lose, I die... Unless I fight, I cannot win..." Her voice cracked "...Looks like I can finally repay you from all those years ago, I hope it'll be enough..." she ripped out the grass as she screamed, her broken ribs crying out in agony as she tried to stand on her feet. Her chest heaved, making the pain worse. She coughed violently, blood throwing itself from her lips and onto the already stained grass. She took shaken hands to her 3DMG gear, pulling the trigger to blast herself towards the threatening beast. She landed on it's shoulder, it's abnormal movements almost making her fall as soon as she landed. She winced further, her broken body begging for her to stop. She looked straight into the eyes of Erens Titan, another tear streaming down her face as she clenched her jaw in her physical and emotional torment.

"Eren... I'm sorry... This is the only way..." She drew out her sword as Erens Titan roared towards the abnormal, throwing his fists violently towards it. The abnormal dodged impulsively, also noticing the meal that was on its shoulder. It turned its head sharply, aiming to bite her.

"FUCK!" Mikasa screamed as it had a hold of her leg in its sharp teeth.

It bit down, her blood gushing as she cried and fell onto the beasts shoulder. Eren roared louder, seeming to understand what was happening. Erens Titan made a move to kill the offending sight, but his body froze in it's tracks as it started to lean into her and bite higher. It sunk it's teeth into her a second time, into her thigh. She screamed, swatting her sword to its face and slicing the skin.

"F-FUCK YOU!" She screamed, her hands clenching into fists as the grip on her sword tightened. She had to do this... To save Eren.


	4. The Death of Mikasa Ackerman

She screamed, tears running rapidly down her face as she felt the Titans teeth pierce her skin again. Her leg was beyond repair. Not that it would matter anyway. She knew how this was going to end. She gritted her teeth, focusing her dulling vision on Erens Titan. The very thing that saved her that day when she had given up. When she was ready to end everything. This was almost the same situation, only, she wasn't giving up this time. She was doing this to save him. The beast released his jaws once more, aiming to bite higher again. Her waist was the next thing to be broken, her hips would be shattered. She braced herself, her sword slipping from her grasp once it bit down and screamed her throat raw as more of her blood spattered into the orange sky, landing on the dull grass below. More red liquid poured out her mouth as her eyes began to close, her last glimpse off Erens enraged Titan who was standing there motionless as his large body trembled, shaking with hatred. Blood dripped and poured perfously from her body and lips, this was it.

"I... L-Love you... E-Eren..." She croaked before she felt nothing and slipped into the cold nothingness.

Her sword landed sharply into the dirt, the Titan moaned, biting down harder and grinding her shattered bones in its teeth before it simply spat her out like a repulsive and offending substance. Her broken and mangled body landed in the dirt once more, crunching as it hit the ground lifelessly. Eren roared louder than ever, immediately going for the monster that was before him and tearing him apart, even after it was long dead.

The rest of the Survey Corps members got to the scene soon after, Captain Levis eyes widening as he watched Eren lose himself more and more as he continued to tear apart what was left of the already-dead Titan that had killed Mikasa. He immediately tried to asses the situation and what happened in their absence when they were after the Titan that had attacked them in the first place. It was then his steel eyes found the lifeless half lidded ones of Mikasa Ackerman, he clenched his jaw at her mangled body. So that's what happened... The last of Eren Yeagers family has been taken away from him.

"Oi! Don't just stand there! Get him out!" The Captain growled to his Scouts

"Yes, Sir!"


	5. Her Voice

The Scouts had brought Eren back. Eventually. His Titan killing a couple good men in the process of his retrieval as they were trying to get him out of his Titan alive rather than dead. Eren was still unconscious and weak, muttering incoherently since being pulled out of the colossal flesh. No one understood.

Levi told the remaining men that stayed behind that helped with the total death count to take the body of Mikasa Ackerman back with them, leaving the other fallen behind with a heavy heart. Levi leaned down, grimacing a bit, as slight sorrow filled his usually void heart at the sight of her lifeless and dull grey eyes. He brought out his pocket knife and cautiously picked up her motionless arm, cutting the wings of freedom crest from her jacket sleeve sharply. Their load would have been too heavy to take the other fallen home too, and with one space left, Mikasas lifeless and mangled body was chosen to ride in back, wrapped up in a while cloth that was stained with her pretty red blood. And without another look back at the decaying Titan corpses and bodies, they rode forward, Levi keeping an eye on Eren all the while as they made way back home.

Each solider prepared themselves for the ridicule they would get upon their return, the hateful spite for their "Useless" Regiment. No one looking in from the outside could ever truly understand what it was like and they were all used to it by now. The resentment, the harassment, the judgement. And they had just lost one of their most best, strongest and brightest Soldiers today to the jaws of a Titan. The one who earned #1 in their years top 10. She would breathe no more.

.......................................

Eren woke up sometime later, his hands pulling at the chains in his sleep. Sweat was rolling down his burned and bruised tanned skin as he woke up violently. His breathing uneven and ragged. He looked around the room frantically, pulling at the chains harder as they cut into his skin. He didn't care.

"F-Fuck!..." he yelled, his voice rough

"Eren. You need to calm down. Now. We don't need you transforming again." Levis tone rang with authority as he stood from his seat in the dungeon, walking over to the bars.

"Where is she?!" He cried through gritted teeth, yanking at the chains harshly as they cut into his skin further "Where is she?!"

Levi tensed immediately, how was he going to react? This whole situation was dangerous in itself.

"Who?" He asked calmly as he tried to keep his ever stoic expression continuous. Mikasas lifeless eyes flashed in his mind for a split second, causing him to fold his arms tightly across his chest to hide the fact that his nails were now digging into the palm of his hands.

"E-Eren?..." 

Erens eyes widened immediately as his breath hitched in his throat. He stopped breathing, moving, he didn't even blink. He could have sworn that was her voice.


	6. She's Not Dead!

"Eren..." The quiet voice called to him again

Was his dream a lie? Where was Mikasa?

"Mikasa..." He breathed

Just as Levi knew he was going to say. He swallowed hard, double checking his restrains were still in place.

"Mikasa... Mikasa Ackerman is dead, Eren..." He spoke in a calm tone

Impossible. He just heard her.

"Eren. I'm okay..."

He clenched his hands into fists as he looked frantically around the room. Where was she? She had to be here... Maybe Levi hit his head...

"No, she's not, I can hear her!" he yelled in disagreement as she eyed the older male suspiciously

Levi gave him a confused expression, raising his eyebrow slightly. Hear her? Did the kid gain a concussion while he was out? he examined her body himself...

"Eren... What exactly are you hearing?..."

"Don't look at me like that..."

Okay, now he was really confused. Like what?

"The Hell are you talk-"

"LIKE I'M INSANE!" He yelled, growling a bit

"Eren, calm, down. I'm right here..."

Levi was taken back by his behavior, something was definitely wrong with him. Mikasa Ackerman was already dead at the scene. Did he not know? It was then a familiar scent infected his sense of smell, her scent. His breath hitched in his throat. Levi had to be lying... But why would he? With a shaking voice, he spoke again.

"C-Captain... Why are you lying to me?..."

"Eren-"

"Levi." Erwin chimed in as he walked into the dungeon

Levi sighed. Now was not the time.

"Yes, Erwin?"

"You should leave him to rest... He's had a long day."

"Kid needs it. He's saying he's hearing voices."

"I told you, I'm not insane!" Eren yelled again, was he alone in all this? He just wanted to see Mikasa... She always understood when no one else did...

Levi sighed again and shook his head, glancing up to Erwin.

"Kids losing it. Make sure Hanji sees him tomorrow. He says he can hear Ackerman..."

Erwins eyes widened a bit as he glanced cautiously to the 15 year old in the cell. He nodded once, moving with Levi back up the stairs as they had a brief discussion before retiring for the rest of the night.

"M-Mikasa... I-I need you..." Eren whimpered alone in the dark, tears streaming down his face. Never before had he felt so alone and he swore he would find her. Whatever the cost.

He glanced up when he felt a ghostly touch on his hand as he hugged himself into his knees, smiling brokenly. He could picture her face as her scent continued to bring him into more of the lie, the illusion.

"I love you, Eren..."

"I-I l-love you t-too, M-Mika..." He cried softly, chocking on his sobs

Whatever the cost, he would see her again.


	7. It's Like I'm Sleepwalking...

Over the next week, Eren was like a zombie as he was confined to his cell. He wasn't trusted enough, not to mention, not in the correct mind set, to be allowed out of his cell. Who was to say he wouldn't run after his illusion of Mikasa? His life was a living Hell as it became the first week the Survey Core was without Mikasa Ackerman. And everyone noticed. They didn't normally mourn the fallen to this deep extent, but this was different. Even Armin wasn't able to snap him out of whatever trance he was in. Not this time.

He was losing his mind piece by piece as he gave more and more into his insanity, he still continued to believe that Mikasa was still here, no matter what everyone kept trying to fill his head with. Eren viewed it as absolute poison at it's worse. She was alive and he knew it. He couldn't be the only one that heard her and felt her, right?...

Wrong. He knew it was wrong. He was alone in this.

"Eren..."

"No one believes me that you're still here... Everyone's acting like you're gone..." Eren sniffed as he hugged his knees to his chest again, hot tears dripping onto his clothes "They just look at me like I'm crazy... I'm not crazy... You're here... You're alive..."

Eren had grown so much more paler since his outside access had become restricted, his usual warm and tanned skin was cold and less colorful. His passionate eyes now dulled to a lifeless, watered down shade of turquoise. They were keeping Humanities Hope under lock and key as he spiraled more into the depths of his mind. He was losing it, and no one was able to catch him at how fast he was falling. The voice had left him again.

He ran his hands through his messy hair, why bother to keep up with appearances anymore? He exhaled a shaking breath, resting his forehead on his knees. He needed to see her. She had to be real. Everyone else was either a pessimist or crazy.

Hanji gave her usual report of Erens mental status since she was the most adequately adapted to even make attempts to get through to him, but even she herself knew he was becoming too far gone. Armin, Hanji, Erwin and even Levi were becoming more concerned each day. Instead of Hanji coming to see him once every few days, it changed to everyday as they were becoming more desperate to reclaim their only hope for humanity as time went by slowly. The week drew out into the second week she was gone. Eren was only getting worse. Hanji was desperately trying to make any progress whats so ever with the boy.

"Eren? Eren..." Hanji tried to call as she sat across with him with her notes

Eren tended to numb himself out when he was in his sessions with Hanji, make himself become distant. What was the point in talking? He was insane to everyone anyway.

"What..." He called back flatly after a moment

"Are you alright, Sweetie? You keep spacing out..." She said softly as she only grew more concerned

"I'm not crazy."

He was like a broken record. Not a day went by that he didn't say it. Eren couldn't place the moment when everything started to turn so bad. Why? Everything is clouded with with smoke and mirrors the more he tried to think about it. Her last proper memory of her. When was the last time he seen her again? A couple more thoughts and just maybe, he could have pieced everything together. Maybe. But he probably wouldn't believed himself if he tried. he winced and gripped both hands in his hair as a sharp pain cut its way through his head. It happened every time he even so much as tried to remember things about her. Where the Hell was she? Why wasn't she here? Had he done something wrong again? Did he hurt her? He sharply inhaled through his teeth as another pain made its way known the more he tried to think.

"Fuck" He hissed

"Eren? What's wrong?" Hanji asked concerned as she leaned over and tried to gently pry his rough hands away from his head. He was pulling so hard.

"Hurts..." He muttered before he groaned a bit

Hanji sighed in concern as she gently ran her fingers through his hair, his hands slowly loosening their grip and falling limp in his lap.

"Why won't you let me see h-her?... D-Did... D-Did I do something wrong a-again?..." His voice cracked and became weak in a whimper

Hanji swallowed thickly at the sight and sound before her as she frowned, Eren spoke the words so quietly and fragile as he slowly looked up to her, tears dripping from his lifeless eyes slowly, but perfously.

"No, Eren..." She said as comforting as she could with a sad smile as she adjusted her glasses, trying to keep her own voice from cracking as she blinked back a few tears herself. Eren was always so strong, but now... She didn't even recognize him.

"T-Then why...?" He croaked "I-It's been t-two weeks... I c-can hear her, but I c-can't see her... P-Please... You h-have to let me s-see her..."

"Eren-"

"P-Please believe me..."

His voice was nothing more than a whisper now, tears dripping onto his thin sheets. Hanji closed her eyes for a moment as she looked down.

"I think that's enough for today Eren, get some rest..."

"Hanji, please! I-"

"Eren" She said more sternly, not really wanting to but knowing it was necessary

Eren sighed and curled his fingers into his palms, digging his nails in as he clenched his jaw.

"A-Alright..."

She nodded with another soft sigh, ruffling his hair gently before she left his cell and locked it behind herself. She hated seeing him locked away like this. He wasn't some animal or Monster... He wanted the exact opposite before, he fought for the right for freedom to belong to everyone. Now that hope and light was reduced to... This. "Eren, come back to us..." Hanji thought to herself as she retired for the night, feeling tired. Even her patience was wearing thin, but she was so understanding.

"Nothing can keep us apart... I'll find you... Mikasa..."


	8. Missing

The second week turned into the third week, the third turned into the fourth. Eren was still continuing to lose his mind and what was left of his sanity. There was no progress at all being made, in fact, things were only getting worse. Hanji told Erwin and Levi that it was highly unlikely he would come back. He still refused to accept Mikasas death, calling everyone that said that fact crazy and mentally ill. Screaming at them and demanding to know why they were lying to him. Word started getting around to the other regiments, and eventually the court and the King about the condition of Eren Yeager.

Erwin and Levi were asked to explain this but refused, merely giving a personal statement that they were doing everything they could and that they had the situation stable and under control. That Eren Yeager was still not a threat while remaining under their custody. Hanji was contemplating electric shock therapy to re-wire his brain to make him accept the death of his family. Though, that would be used as a last resort since it was dangerous and experimental, the last way to save his breaking mind. The shock was something that was too deep for him to comprehend. Something that his body couldn't handle registering. Even though Eren truly did not believe she was dead, he felt as though there was something missing. He felt incomplete and only half alive. He didn't understand why or what was so wrong, why something was missing. Everything was normal, right? His mind was splitting in two as he continued to tear himself apart. His unstable mental health causing the unknown sickness in his body from being a Titan Shifter to get worse since he was failing to save himself. He was getting worse physically and mentally at the same time, it should make him weaker but his paranoia made him all the more hyper aware.

"WHERE THE FUCK IS SHE?!" He screamed, shaking the bars

"Eren, come on, calm do-" Hanji tried

"WHY THE HELL DOES EVERYONE KEEP LYING TO ME?! YOU'RE ALL FUCKING SICK!"

A drop landing on the dimly lit stone ground alerted Hanji to glance up at him, tears mixed with dripping blood from his nose. She frowned and sighed in concern, this was happening a lot more now.

"E-Eren, you're bleeding..." She tried to say calmly

"I told you about that! I don't care! Just let me see her!"

Hanji sighed and sat her glasses on her head for a moment as she rubbed her eyes. This had been a long night full of screaming. Access inside Erens cell was now restricted in fear he would become violent, much to her dismay. Though, they had a decent enough precaution if he had to go to the bathroom.

"I've told you a thousand times, Eren... She's not he-"

"Shut up!"

Hanji sighed, this was becoming more and more of a hopeless situation. But she couldn't just give up on Eren. He wouldn't give up on anyone else... And that included Mikasa...

"Eren, stop this..."

His eyes widened, it was her voice again. His head shot up, his eyes searching frantically around his cell, coughing violently.

"Eren?.."

"She's here! Can't you hear her?!" he said, pulling at his chains as he became more restless in his bed "Let me out! I have to find her God damn it!"

"You're sick..."

"I don't care, Mikasa!"

"Eren? What's she saying?..." Hanji asked cursorily, walking closer to the bars to examine him closer as she adjusted her glasses with her pen and notes in hand.

"Nothing..."

"Eren, please, you want us to believe you, don't you?..."

"How can't you believe me anyway?! You're all fucking deaf!" He hissed, pulling at the chains again. Hanji noticed a screw coming loose from where the chains were bolted into the bricks. She bit her lip in worry and concern. They were going to have to fix that before something bad happened...

She focused her attention back onto Eren, seeing if he noticed anything, and to her relief, he hadn't. Not yet anyway. She would have to tell Erwin and Levi right away about that.

"Hanji, please, you have the key, let me the fuck out!"

"No, Eren. I'm sorry, but I can't do that..." She sighed for the millionth time that night "Is she still talking?"

"Eren, stop struggling... You're going to hurt yourself..."

Eren stopped after hearing her voice again, he nodded silently as he felt his eyes have that familiar stinging sensation.

"Hey, it's okay..." Hanji tried to comfort as she frowned, glancing to him, whatever he was hearing was the only thing to have any effect or even the slightest authority over the boy.

"I don't care, I need you..." He whimpered, the tears still flowing

"I need you too, but not yet... You need to stay this way..."

'Stay this way'? What the Hell was she talking about?...

"M-Mikasa? What do yo-"

"Eren, please, promise me..."

"Promise you what? Where are you?!" He cried, roughly pulling the chains again

Hanji wrote down all responses and everything that happened, including his actions, reactions, body language and stress levels that occurred when responding to his imaginary voice. Hoping to eventually be able to piece this one sided conversation together at some point. She started doing that since Eren started hearing the voice. She went over each of the notes before retiring for the night. She had never once seen someone so shaken to their core like this. She didn't even want to think about Erens possible future... An unstable Titan shifter was never had an easy or happy outcome.

 

"Mikasa, don't go, don't leave me..." he whimpered, shutting his eyes tight "I said we'll be together forever..."

"Eren, I love you so much..."

"I love you t-too..."

Eren coughed again, blood splattering onto the stone ground as he wheezed a bit.

"F-Fuck that hurt..."

"I need to examine you..." She said slowly "And address another matter while I'm in there... But I need to get permission from Erwin or Levi before I can enter your cell though...Freaking precautionists..." She sighed " Are you felling okay? Fever? Cold? Sick?..."

"I-I'm f-fine..." He coughed hard, adding to the spill on the floor as blood stained the corners of his mouth "F-Fuck..." He groaned

"I'll talk to the Commander and the Corporal first thing tomorrow, Eren, get some rest..."

Hanji cautiously took her leave, giving Eren a final look and sympathetic smile. She went over her notes a few more times before retiring for the night. Eren stared blankly to the wall, more tears streaming down his face.

"W-Why does this h-hurt so much?..." he whimpered brokenly to the dark

He felt a hand touch him and his eyes widened slightly from the the sudden and light contact as he looked down and seen a light hand rub his chest. Who let her in?

"M-Mikasa!" his breath hitched in his throat as his head shot up.

He seen the missing piece standing right in front of him, a sad smile on her lips.

"E-Eren..."


	9. Running with Chains

Eren immediately shot up, the chains restricting him. He wanted to touch her, to hold her. She was real, he knew it. He growled and hissed in pain as the metal rubbed against his skin harshly, cursing under his breath. She was standing right in front of him and he couldn't even hold her.

"Eren, you need to get better..."

"Stop telling me that... I'm fine, you're here, I'm not insane..."

"Listen to me, please..."

Eren glanced up to her, more tears spilling down his face.

"W-Where have you b-been?..." He whimpered

She offered him a sympathetic smile in return, staying silent.

"Mikasa... I miss you... I need you... Get me out of here...Please..."

"Eren..." She cupped his face, her hand barley felt like it was even there. She felt as cold as ice. Colder. A somber expression painting her delicate features. She appeared radiated in the dark cell, the moonlight giving her a translucent glow. "I can't do that..."

"M-Mikasa, please..." He cried

"I love you so much... You know that, right?..." Her voice came softly "You have to stay here..."

"W-Why do you keep saying that?! Do you not want me?!" He cried harder

She cupped his face gently with both hands, kissing his forehead as two single tears ran down her face.

"I'll always want you..."

Eren weakly pulled on his chains again, this time, hearing something fall to the floor. What was that? He looked up to Mikasa, almost not wanting to look away, afraid she would disappear from his sight. Mikasa glanced in the direction he was, frowning slightly. Eren pulled his chains again, hissing at the burning of his wrists. His brows furrowed in confusion as his bloodshot eyes tried to focus on the small object that was shining slightly. As his chains moved with him, another small blot came loose. Erens eyes widened as he glanced to Mikasa. She shook her head with a pleading look in her eyes, placing her hands on top of his.

"Don't..."

His breathing quickened as he braced for pain, pulling at his chains harder than before as he gritted his teeth together in a growl. More bolts came loose and he felt the metal become slacker. 'One more pull...' he thought. He breathed in and out quickly, pulling hard again, tears streaming down his face as he felt his blood run down his arms. His knuckles turned white as he pulled harder, gritting his teeth through the burning cutting till they hurt. And that was it. Mikasas pale eyes widened.

"No... Eren... Stop... Don't do this..."

Eren breathed heavily and moved his arms, wincing at the rawness of skin under the stained metal. The chains were broken off from the walls but what was he supposed to do now? He needed to find a way out... He got up slowly, staggering a bit. Mikasa glanced to him with a face full of sadness. She offered him another sad smile, Eren reached her hand out, cupping her face. His eyes widened slightly, she barley felt like she was there... And what was that on her face?

"M-Mikasa... You're cold..."

"I'm fine... G-Go back to bed..."

"No... No way... I need out of here... Come with me..."

"I can't..." She smiled sadly

Eren closed his eyes for a moment.

"Mikasa, ple- M-Mikasa? Mikasa!"

She was gone. He was alone in his cell again, it was almost as if she was never here. He placed his hand on his head as he scanned his cell, still felling the lingering touch on his forehead of her lips.

"M-Mikasa..." Hot tears streamed down his face.

Eren started looking for a way out frantically, she couldn't have gotten far. he noticed the reflection of light on the desk near by, the key to the cell...

"Fuck..." He hissed, walking over to the bars... It was right there, his way out, taunting him.

He glanced down to the chains dragging by his feet and an idea sparked to life. He pulled the line of chains into his hands, aiming to throw it to his freedom. It was an idea that was hopeless, but he had to see her again. He aimed with as best precision as he could in the dark, throwing it. It landed with a metallic thud. He grinned like a maniac as he successfully hit it off the table. He paused for a moment and held his breath to see if there was any movement, anyone close by that may have heard the sounds he was making. There was nothing. He exhaled a shaking breath, the metal rubbing more and more against his raw skin. He dragged the chains back towards him through the bars. The key was halfway towards him on the floor. He threw the chains again, dragging the key only slightly closer each time, sometimes missing completely. His arms were throbbing painfully by the 20th throw. Around the 36th throw, the key was finally in his reach as he grabbed it desperately.

With shaking hands, he pressed his face against the bars and made an attempt to unlock the cell door as he bent awkwardly to unlock it. He bit his lip hard, tasting blood as he closed his eyes and focused his mess of a mind. After 5 minutes, he exhaled a shaking breath when he heard a click of the internal mechanism that was the lock of his cell door. He didn't care of the punishment he would get for breaking free, he needed to see her again. He was going to find her, and he didn't want to go back. He picked up his chains quickly as he pushed the door open, running up the cold stairs and out of the dungeon. he looked around frantically, but as quiet as he could. Tears dripped down his stained face as he searched for Mikasa desperately in the night. He looked in the weaponry, a glint of something catching his eyes. He stopped in his tracks, walking over to the weapon he was suddenly drawn to as he held his breath.

A small pistol that looked like a flare gun. A disguised weapon? Was this for an emergency?... Eren looked closely at it, examining every detail. He heard something and looked over his shoulder. A voice. Her voice.

"Eren... Go back..."


	10. Swimming Home

Eren turned around slowly, seeing her again. He smiled.

"M-Mikasa... You came back..." More tears dripped down his face, but why? He was always happy to see her, wasn't he? Why was this so different? What was missing? What changed? Her heartbeat.

She smiled sadly to him, walking a little closer. She noticed the gun in his hand and a single tear ran down her pale cheek.

"E-Eren... What are you doing with a gun...?"

"Eh? Oh... I just found it..." He stared intently towards the small weapon again, it was somehow becoming important to him

"P-Put it down..." She tried to smile reassuringly again. She was already dead. She didn't want the same fate for him.

Mikasa had always been there, since the moment she left the physical world. She never once left him alone. Never. She couldn't do that to him. She was so lonely after she passed, being content just watching over him. She wanted nothing more than to be there with him as she watched him spiral into his sick state of mind. She knew he could never go back. Not even the strongest medication or shock therapy would work. Not with the way he was now...

"E-Eren... What are you thinking?..." She felt like she knew what was going to happen. Like this had happened once before. But that was impossible.

"Hm? Nothing... Why?" He talked to her in a dream state, not being there 100% as he never broke his gaze from the lethal small weapon.

Eren finally glanced back up to her, something telling him to look at the girl in the room with him. He tilted his head in confusion as he finally studied her face properly. How didn't he notice this earlier?...

"Mikasa, you should really go see Hanji..." He said in concern.

Mikasa closed her eyes and another tear streaked down her face as she closed her eyes for a moment. There was blood dripping down her face, it was almost morbidly and hauntingly beautiful. She opened her eyes after a moment to see Erens facial expression change.

"Mikasa, what happened?!"

"Keep your voice down..."

"You... You need to... get help..."

"There's nothing they can no now..." She spoke softly

"The Hell are you talking about, Mikasa?!"

"Eren, please... Just... Shh... It's alright..."

"W-We need to know how this happened... Did someone hurt you? I swear to fucking God I'll kill them!" He spat viciously

"Eren... Put the gun down..."

Eren gritted his teeth, holding the gun tighter, he looked to it again and opened the guns chamber. One bullet. He smirked, laughing as if he was mad.

"Eren..."

He looked to her again, his mind unreadable as he smiled like he really was insane. But... Maybe that was the case now... Maybe he was just too far gone...

"I'll kill them... For you... Mikasa..."

More blood started to cascade down her face as she stared at him with fearful eyes.

"E-Eren... Stop... Pull yourself together... Please... No one hurt me..."

"Then why the fuck are you bleeding?!"

She swallowed thickly and shut her eyes. It was time. He had to know.

"I... Eren, I'm not really here... At least, not anymore..."

Erens eyes widened, holding the gun tighter than before as his hands started to shake.

"N-No... N-Not you... Not you too... Mikasa God damn it, I can fucking see and hear you! What kind of sick joke is everyone playing on me?!" He spat

"Eren, listen to me... I'm dead... I didn't make it home that day... You have to remember..."

Eren started to hyperventilate, his condition becoming even more extremely unstable. Mikasa was in front of him in an instant, her ghostly cold hands resting on his cheeks and wiping away the hot tears steaming down his face. He felt hot. Dangerously hot as he continued to shake violently. She closed her eyed, holding him close as her cold thumbs wiped away the continuous tears from his burning skin.

"M-Mikasa... D-Don't lie to me..." He laughed sadly, his voice breaking. "W-We said f-forever..."

"I'm sorry... I had to keep you alive... It was the only way..."

She placed her soft ice lips on his burning forehead, kissing it softly. Erens eyes widened as every memory from that day came flooding back, her blood... Her body...

"W-Where are you?..." He whispered brokenly

"I'm okay... I promise..."

"W-Where are you?!" He cried again

Mikasa allowed more tears to fall, her form becoming less bloody.

"Burried... Safe..."

"Where?..." He whimpered "Why didn't they tell me?!"

"They tried... You refused to listen... But this is the truth... The world is a cruel place... I've told you so many times before..."

Eren brokedown further as what felt like a million flashbacks shot through his mind like a bullet to his brain, making him shake more violently and cry harder. She was really gone. he didn't save her this time...

"Eren, you'll die early if you don't stick with me."

"Eren, why are you crying?"

"Eren, have you changed your mind about joining the Survey Corps?"

"I never said I'd cooperate with you."

"You tend to act impulsive when things get out of hand."

"I have a request, just one... Don't die..."

"I will protect you."

As her voice echoed through his mind, their every memory played out. That last one, it was always supposed to be the other way round... And that is how she died. She died protecting him.

"Show me..."

"Show you what?..."

"You..."

Mikasa held his hand softly in her own cold grip, taking the lead and stopping at the door before they went any further.

"Eren, I don't thin-"

"M-Mikasa, please..." He whimpered

She nodded slowly and lead him to where the Survey Corps burried her mangled body. Eren collapsed to his knees in the dirt when she pointed the spot out in the forested area within their location, a small, unmarked stone sticking from the ground to mark where she was laid to rest. Eren scraped and scratched at the dirt in his distress, gritting his teeth till they ached. Biting his lip till it bled and blood ran down his chin.

"Eren... It's alright..."

"I-It's not alright..." he whimpered, his voice becoming unrecognizable

"Go back inside..."

"N-No..."

"Eren..."

"No! I'll..." He glanced to the gun still in his hand "I'll make things right..."

"Eren... Please... Don't!"

"I've always loved you... I want to be by your side... Forever..." He smirked bitterly "Death can't stop me from loving you, Mika... I'm a monster... No one will love me like you do..."

A tear landed in the dirt atop her broken body as he shakily brought the small gun to his temple, loading it with his thumb and his index finger slowly adding pressure to the trigger bit by bit.

"Eren! Stop!"

Eren smiled, tears running down his face as he fired. The shot echoing through the woods and bouncing off the dark trees as his blood hit the dirt, splattering on her unmarked stone. Two graves would be placed here instead of one once they realized the new death that took place in the Survey Corps in the middle of the night, providing if they found Erens body. Every barrack light turned on from the alarming sound, the higher ups already out and searching for the source of commotion. Erens body fell lip in the dirt, he finally found her.


	11. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bonus chapter of the aftermath from Erens death~

The shot echoed through the woods, alarming the higher ups of the Survey Core of some form of unknown commotion. Erwin, Hanji and Levi were immediately the first ones out, them being the most important people of the Survey Core. Erwin commanded everyone return to sleep and to stay in their rooms while they dealt with the sudden disturbance in the middle of the night. Levi rolled his eyes at the whisperers being heard in the rooms as they made their way out to search.

"Oi, over there. The damn ringing came from there, I'm sure of it" muttered Levi as he held his lantern, rubbing his ear with his free hand in annoyance.

Erwin and Hanji nodded as they wandered with curious and cautious searching eyes to the location they thought was best, after 20 minutes of searching through the dark trees in the middle of the night, it was then they smelt gun powder, smoke and a metallic smell in the air.

"What the Hell? A gun shot?"

"It seems so, but we can't be sure till we see the actual evidence of one. Keep your eyes out for anything large on the ground or out of the ordinary, abandoned weapons, anything"

"Take out your hand weapons as a precaution in the case of there being an enemy near by"

Another 5 minutes passed before their noses crinkled with the stronger smell of blood, a minute later and they stopped in their tracks, their eyes widening at the sight before them. Hanji kneeled down immediately and put two fingers to cold, tanned skin on the pulse point of Erens neck. She closed her eyes and shook her head before looking over her shoulder and nodded her head sadly, her eyes slightly glassy.

Levi scanned the scanned the scene immediately, looking for any weapon or sign of struggle. There was nothing. Until he noticed a glint of something in Erens hand.

"Hanji, his hand" He pointed, squatting down a bit to examine the young teenager.

Hanji reached over and looked at the gun in his hand, she untangled his stiffening fingers from the weapon and examined it

"It's one of ours..." Frowned Hanji

"So the kid offed himself..." Levi sighed, his expression changing to show the smallest hint of sadness "What a pity..."

"It appears so, one aim to his temple..." Commented Erwin "He was his own enemy by the way things appear to be"

They glanced to the blood splatter on the ground, there was no sign of struggle or anything, so they concluded that it was, indeed, suicide. It was then the trio noticed the odd stone that became stained in the cross fire.

"This is where we buried Ackerman" Sighed Levi

"He really needed her..." Frowned Hanji "...I guess he just couldn't keep going... He must have learned the truth somehow, he never believed anyone of us that she was dead... I wonder what opened his eyes..." She thought for a moment "The human mind is indeed complex... Poor thing..." She brushed his hair from his eyes

"Regardless, we need to lay him to rest. He's gone through enough." Said Erwin

"But... How did he get out of his cell?..." Asked Hanji cursorily, resting her chin on the palm of her hand as she continued to examine Erens body

"We'll figure that part out soon, Hanji, Levi, get shovels. We need to do this as soon as possible"

They nodded as they followed the order from their Commander, leaving and coming back with shovels to properly lay Eren to rest. They could only hope he eventually found peace.

"You never really were going to get better, it was only a matter of time, wasn't it Eren?" Sighed Hanji sadly, talking to the unmarked stone they put up next to Mikasas "I'll miss our all night conversations you know..." She rubbed her face a bit, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear "You were so interesting to talk to..."

"He was special, different."

"I still can't believe he got out..." Levi groaned a bit "Stupid kid..."

"Levi, come on..." Hanji scolded lightly, looking over her shoulder

"We should go back, the other Soldiers will want an explanation"

"Yeah? Well fuck everyone else" Muttered Levi

Hanji and Erwin shook their heads before looking over the spot where the two bodies lay.

"At least they're together again, you never really seen one without the other..." Hanji smiled sadly at a last glance to the unmarked graves

With that, they returned to their barracks. They decided on destroying the gun that Eren used to kill himself, not wanting other hands touching it after that. The trio put on a straight face as they accepted Erens sudden departure from them, they never really figured out how he managed to escape his cell. Neither of them couldn't get his dead and void eyes from their minds, the image stuck with them thoroughly. Eyes that once held such passion, emotion and fire reduced to emotionless and glassy voids. They knew he didn't even feel the shot go through his head.

The next day, Erwin, Hanji and Levi addressed the questioning Scouts before them in a morning discussion, it was to be a quick briefing, wanting to get it over with as soon as possible to cease the irritating gossip that took place since hearing a gun fire the previous night.

"Eren Yeager was pronounced deceased at the scene when we found where the fire echoed from last night, right on top of Mikasa Ackerman, his Adoptive Sisters, final resting place..." Erwin cleared his throat before going into more of an explanation to the Scouts lined up before him "...The cause of death was a single bullet to his temple, the bullet fired straight through his brain, killing him instantly. The King and the higher ups will need to know this information discreetly, the public will most likely cause a riot or even go for where we have laid Eren to rest since he was despised by most. We do not want his final resting place to be defiled, nor do we want the same for Mikasas since she got just as a bad reaction when people started to become afraid of Eren, fearing she was like him. You must all go about your usual tasks and duties as per usual while we handle this part of the situation, we will find another hope for humanity. Remember the reason you all fight for and use that to push yourselves. That is all, dismissed."

The soldiers talked quietly among themselves they disbanded from the meeting room, Armin was allowed temporary break after losing both of what was left of his Family over the space of a few weeks. Death was never new to the Survey Core, they were never usually allowed to grieve for the fallen and reluctant heroes as it wouldn't bring them back, it wouldn't change anything. They always pushed themselves through the pain as they continued their fight, knowing the day they would exterminate the last of the Titans would be the day they could finally repay the debt of their lives back. It was what they were all fighting for. They respected Armin too much to not let him grieve for his best friends, his mental pursuits were his strongest point, so they needed him to go through the stages of grief properly and efficiently, knowing his mind would be stronger than before afterwards. Even Jean consoled him, knowing his pain. Although he didn't know Marco like Armin knew Eren and Mikasa, it was still all the same. Bonds are made to be broken, everyone dies. Everyone accepted that. But you never quite get over it.

Eren and Mikasa, however, were reunited finally. Mikasa couldn't stop the tears streaming down her face as she watched Eren let himself die.

"Mikasa, stop that..." Eren said softly with a soft smile, he was finally happy and peaceful after weeks of mental torment.

Mikasa glanced to him with a sad smile as Eren cupped her face lovingly and wiped away her tears with his thumb gently, looking to his passionate eyes. The very ones she adored and fell in love with at the tender age of 9. She hated watching him waste away like she had been doing, that wasn't Eren, that was his depression, his grief and his pain. She wouldn't necessarily call this a happy ending, but at least they were together again. She wasn't sure if his death was better than watching him lose his fragile mind quicker by the day, watching him argue with himself and everyone else that told him what he didn't want to hear. Now, he was the way he was before... Only without his hatred and spite. Though she wished they could have had this closeness in life, in the way she always dreamed of being with him, they had it in death.

"I love you, Mikasa..."

"I love you too, Eren..."

It was then that they shared their fist kiss of many in their long afterlife together.


End file.
